I haven't posted on this for nearly a year and a half; for that I truly apologize.

For multiple reasons, I've abandoned this:

• busy
• forgetting the password
• lazy

I'm a completely new person compared to how I was.

The medication is gone.

I'm actually...happy.

I'm committed in a relationship.

I'm doing well in school.

I have the four best friends one could ever ask for...what else do I need?

Hopefully I'll be updating this more often.

I go between sites. Livejournal, tumblr, etc.

Stuff like that.

But this will give whoever wants to, a look into my life.

More thoroughly than before, with clear eyes that can see past the moon.

Heaven's not so far away

Wednesday.
Thursday.
Friday.
Saturday.
Sunday.
Monday.
Tuesday.
Christmas Eve.
Christmas.
Friday.
Saturday.
Sunday.
Envy on the Coast show.
Envy on the Coast show.
New Year's Eve.
New Year's Day.
Two thousand nine, I cannot wait for you.
Six months, nine days until summer vacation.
A couple of months and then it's high school for me.
I cannot wait.

GNARLY~

auto response from trashyyxtragedyy:
i am butch walker.

auto response from riss onthe coast:
i am keanu reeves

<3333
ONLY ON SUNDAY NIGHTS!
my my I love Tori

It's not a pleasant feeling when it's like you don't even have time to breathe.
Let alone get schoolwork accomplished, successfully, do housework, make sure promises you make are kept, and to take care of yourself.
When things randomly come up you can't avoid them, or just don't want to, and then all the pressure is on. Way more pressure than before, when you had hours and hours and hours of work awaiting at home.

You can't escape.
There's no place to escape.
And instead of doing that work, you dream up of an isolated place where you actually can escape.
A place where you'll never arrive.

Everyone says that it's easy to get through all that work, that if you put your mind to it then it'll be done.
It's not as simple as that though.
It takes time, effort, and skill.

But people want to do what they enjoy, right?
So what's the point of doing all that stupid, useless work?
Reinforce what you did or didn't do in class, to keep something tidy, to not disappoint anyone.

Where am I going with this?
I don't really know.
It's Monday morning, I didn't get any sleep and I'm all ready for school.
It's 6:40, I have another 40 minutes before I leave and I just need to pack up and put my shoes on.
Then I'm out the door.
On my way to school, then coming back home, doing that stupid homework and whatnot.

Secret Love and the Fastest Way to Loneliness

Stay away! Stay away!
She wants your soul.
She'll take your life.
Stay away! Stay away!
It's all secret love and the fastest way to loneliness.

You used me.
You lied to me.
You led me on.
You didn't give me the light of day.
You talked about me behind my back.
You used me.
You lied to me.
You led me on.
You don't even give me an explanation.
You just leave.
You just ignore me.
You continue with your worthless crap.
You used me.
You lied to me.
You led me on.

Well I was searching for something but didn't know what.
And I found a whore on the corner of her street.
She wrapped her arms around me and she kissed me on the mouth.

I know what you are.
Why you are all depressed, and say that you are worthless.
It's because, shocker!
You are.
You are good for nothing.

Like a lamb to the slaughter I followed her home.
Into bed with a stranger.
No one has to know.

You don't commit to anything.
You say you're into romance when you hook up with people all the time.
You are full of crap.
You lie and cheat and sneak your way around everything.
No wonder why you're so 'lonely' and 'upset' and 'depressed'.
I'd be ashamed to be your friend.

She puts on a pretty dress and wears it all over town.
All over town.
Says, "I can give you what you want; escape from the pain.
Nobody has to know."

You shouldn't mean anything to anyone.
Yet you do.
I don't get it.
You're pretty.
But beauty's only skin deep.
You're an ugly person on the inside.
Your personality is split in half.
You're two completely different people.
You put on an act and bravo!
People like you.
People are fooled by your ignorant acts.
Or are they strategic?

With a shake of my face I awoke and saw my fate.
All alone in the darkness.
Chained to the devil's gate.

I'll admit it.
I was a fool.
At least I realized what you truly are.
Scum.

I hear the beautiful voice of wisdom.
Joined by the angels, she sings.
Well her words are sweet like honey.
And sour to my stomach.
She says, "Get on your feet.
Come dine with me in heavenly places.
Where you can hear the angels sing."

You're the fastest way to loneliness.
Are you proud?
I wouldn't be.
Do you not realize it?
You don't know what you're doing?
Or are you perfectly aware of it?
Either way, it's not a good thing.

I can't get enough.
But my soul is rotting.
What have I become?
I can hear the screams of her earlier victims so clearly now.

I know how to feel.
I know what it's like to commit to something.
I don't throw everything around like it's a rubber ball.
You do.
Nothing you do lasts.
You can't keep a thing going on.
Nothing at all.
You can't commit to anything, you 'hopeless romantic', you.

Stay away! Stay away!
She wants your soul.
She'll take your life.

People should realize what you are.
Good on your part, I don't reveal any identities in my entries.
You may think it's you, yet you're never sure.
Unless I plaster your name all over it like there's no tomorrow.
But, unfortunate for them, they won't know what you are.
How you work.
How you feel.
How you manipulate.
I won't tell them.
I don't talk about people behind their backs, like you do.
They should also pay attention, even if they never read this, to the last lines.
It'll be important.

Stay away! Stay away!
It's all secret love and a slippery road to hell.

no lyrics for this title

livee is epic (11:36:21 PM): no but like seriously, if i could have a sister it would be you. i mean like a real sister, if it couldn't be you it would be someone just like you because you're not immature like most of the 8th graders i know, and you understand me better then anyone. better than phoenix or juji or all of them because i know that i can never keep anything from you because you will either help me get through it or just tell me to forget about it, nbd

Riss onthe Coast (11:36:48 PM): omg that has made my life

livee is epic (11:36:59 PM): you've pretty much made mine <3>




LIVEE LIVEE LIVEE COMMA THREE
EDIT:

We Can Dream, But I Can't Stay

Breathe in, breathe out.
Throw yourself in the sea.
It's so much bigger than us.

I am not a selfish person.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
Do you not want me to be happy?
Do you want me to be miserable all the time?
Do you not get the fact that I have problems?
Do you not get that those problems can't be fixed by simply telling me that I'm okay and nothing's going to happen to me? Especially when I'm in that dangerous, severe state of mind?
Do you understand?
Do you get me at all?
Do you not care?
Do you underestimate my imagination?
Do you disregard the fact that not everyone can make me happy, not even you?
Do you not know that writing is one thing that can make me happy? Or do you just forget?
Do you hate me?
Do you want to ignore me?
Do you want to make sure that we never talk again?
Do you want to make me guilty?
Do you really, truly, never want to see me ever in your entire lifetime?
Do you feel the need to go back in time and never talk to me?
Do you want to forget all about me since I'm making your life oh so much worse?

Are you aware this applies to you as well?
Are you aware that you are in control of one thing that can make me feel needed?
Are you feeling the same as her?
Are you surprised that I don't care?
Are you sure I'm just lying about that above statement?
Are you as conniving as I portray you to be?
Are you sure this is about you?
Are you really the selfish one here?
Are you just as insane as I am?
Are you even paying attention to this? Or are you brushing this off your shoulder?
Are you certain that you want no longer want anything to do with me?
Are you positive that this can't be about you?
Are you reading this, word for word, trying to find some cryptic meaning in these lines?
Are you thinking that I wrote this for you?
Are you answering all of these questions that might not have been for you?

I have one thing to say to you, just one thing for you to understand.

If you're going, then go.